beauty and love
It’s been so long since I’ve written anything substantial, and so much has happened, I don’t know where to start. Rather than trying to catch up, I think I’ll just write some about this new thing I’m working on. I got about as far as I could with the decrapification, and I’m pretty pleased with the amount of stuff I’ve gotten rid of. Granted, I still have entirely too much shit, but my hold on materialism has definitely loosened enough to where I feel I can now focus my energies on other areas. Namely, not being such a negative, cynical person. For several weeks, my church was doing a series on these “rhythms” or practices (or, dare I say, discipline) that we’ll try to live into as a community. I’d sum it all up by saying we are to be intentional, something I’ve been working on (well, not so much worked on as thought: hmm…I really should try to do—oooh! something shiny!) Things like sharing a meal each week with someone inside the community and someone outside of it, slowing down and being intentional, speak blessings to people, and find 3 “snapshots of beauty” each week (not literal photographs, but stop to note the moments of beauty around you and think on them throughout the week). When the pastor talked about the beauty thing, I thought it was a great idea and that it sounded like something simple enough that I could do it pretty easily (because God forbid, I do something that’s difficult or requires sacrifice…). I mean, beauty is everywhere, not mere aesthetic beauty, but those moments that are real and true; I know they’re out there, ripe for the remembering. The first couple of weeks though, I couldn’t do it. Seriously, the first time I stopped and thought ok, Jennifer, what are your snapshots of beauty for the week? I thought for about 5 minutes and couldn’t think of a single one! I think I ended up deciding I’d seen some cool clouds or something, but really I couldn’t remember any details. I decided that this was completely pitiful and more a reflection on me—the state of my heart and mind—than any deficiencies in the world around me. Then one of my friends talked about how she got into the habit of every day writing down 5 blessings in her journal. So I started doing that. I haven’t done it every day, but I feel like it’s a start. If I notice the myriad blessings in my life, then maybe my soul will be primed to notice beauty and the barnacles have crusted over my heart will chip away. I fully anticipate this to hurt. One thing I’ve learned this year is the truth of what CS Lewis said about love (I’m pretty sure I’ve posted this before, but whatever I need to hear it again): “Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket — safe, dark, motionless, airless — it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”
Leave a Reply