i’m alive.

It’s been awhile since I’ve posted anything. There were a few things I wanted to write about, but I’ve been so busy lately. I went to Portland for the National Prevention Network Conference and went to Powell’s, the largest independent bookstore in the country. It was amazing, and there’s no sales tax in Oregon!

I am moving in 6 days. My new landlady is very interesting, and I anticipate many good stories. When I turned in my application, she told me to let her know if I ever see anyone scary around because she has two 31’s and she shot a man once.  …   She reminds me of my grandmother and great aunt Justine but armed. I miss having old people in my life so I’m looking forward to the new place. Also it’s back in Houston proper so no more suburbs! yay!

Packing is really expediting the decrapification. I’m even getting rid of furniture. yay for freecycle!

things that make me happy

I’m feeling sort of down today so it’s time for a list of links that remind me life isn’t so shitty after all.

• Cool movie coming out on DVD!
• I went to this. And it was awesome. Yeah, I’m a geek. grrr…arg…
• For naps on-the-go
• This shirt makes me laugh.
• The second season of the second best TV show of all time finally on DVD

Happy Tuesday, everyone.

currently reading…

I picked up Adverbs by Daniel Handler (A.K.A. Lemony Snicket) and started reading it for two reasons.

One: Dave Eggers blurbed it thusly:

Anyone who lives to read gorgeous writing will want to lick this book and sleep with it between their legs.

Two: Because the first two sentences knocked me out:

Love was in the air, so both of us walked through love on our way to the corner. We breathed it in, particularly me: the air was also full of smells and birds, but it was the love, I was sure, that was tumbling down to my lungs, the heart’s neighbors and confidants.

I love the way this guy (who also has good taste in music) plays with language in the Series of Unfortunate Events books, and his first novel, The Basic Eight, was wonderfully screwed up in a Fight-Club-meets-Heathers kind of way. I’ll let you know how Adverbs turns out, but don’t expect to hear about any changes in the sleeping arrangements around here. I’m a lady.

cool book

Jane Austen meets Choose Your Own Adventure?  Awesomely brilliant idea!  I haven’t actually looked inside the book yet, but from what I can tell the author, Emma Campbell Webster, sets up the reader as Elizabeth Bennett with a mission—to get married—and then gives choices that can take the reader through all sorts of Austen’s characters and settings.   I’m not an Austen fan, but I love this idea.  I was insane about those Choose Your Own Adventure books when I was a kid!   I might read this anyway, just to see how it’s carried out.  Some authors I’d really get excited about:  J.D. Salinger or Neil Gaiman (especially the Sandman world) or Douglas Adams.

looking for a roommate

For any Houston readers out there…I need to move next month, and I’d like to find a roommate in the Montrose/Heights area.  If you hear of anything, let me know and I’ll love you forever and 3 days.   Prayer on this would be appreciated too.

maybe it’s good that i don’t have a life

My plans for tonight fell through, and I lacked energy or motivation to find new plans.  Instead I stayed home and had a short pity party.  Then I pulled out all of my notebooks, journals, and workshop notes from the past 4 years.  I read all my shitty first drafts and fragments and ideas, gleaning the good stuff and copying it to note cards.  Then I wrote a poem.  Granted, it’s another shitty first draft, but it felt good to write.  It quiets the noise in my head for awhile.  Why don’t I do this, which I supposedly love, more often?

I was talking to a friend this week about how, even though I’m basically happy in my job, I still have this discontent, like I’m not doing what I’m meant to do with my life, and I keep praying that God will open the right doors, but in the back of my mind there’s this little voice saying, “Dude, you’re old enough to open your own damn door.”  Now I don’t mean to say God talks like that, but I think there’s some truth to it.  My heart’s desire, for as long as I could remember, has been to be a writer, but I write sporadically and do nothing with any of it.  Still, when I do write, actually sit down with music and legal pads and a good pen and write whatever comes to mind for at least 30 minutes, I’m almost always able to write through the clutter of my mind and something else takes over and a few things get down on paper that I know aren’t totally cliched and have the possibility to be something good.  I’m not saying I’m going to quit my job and become a freelance writer or anything, but I should take advantage of having a job that doesn’t suck away my soul and use the evenings to write since I no longer have to use that time to recover from the emotional exhaustion I faced in case management.  Maybe that’s one of the doors I’m supposed to open.  Or maybe it’s been open for awhile and I’ve been in the corner, jacking with a window, wondering where the draft is coming from.

strange days

Life has been weird lately. I’ve had a lot on my mind, distractions at every turn. I feel like I haven’t given anyone or anything my full attention in weeks.  Those closest to me knew why I was distracted, and they were so understanding, supportive even.  It’s always nice to feel like people love you and are rooting for you.  Thankfully, a couple of the worries that have been rattling my brain have resolved themselves.  Of course, some new worries have cropped up, but they aren’t as…worrisome…so my head is quieting down a little.  I’m planning on moving back to the inner loop area of Houston next month, hopefully finding a roommate.  I think it will be good for me to have to consider someone else on a daily basis.  I’ve got a lot more decrapifying to do between now and then.

I read the first two books of the space trilogy by C.S. Lewis.  It started slowly, and normally I would have lost patience with it in the first book, but I’d borrowed it.  I realized it was an old edition and I was so afraid of damaging it that I wanted to finish it quickly and give it back before I messed it up and then the story got good and there were the most amazing descriptions and I ended up devouring the book rather quickly.  The descriptions of  Malacandra (Mars) were so well-written; the words enchanted me and made me feel like I was there.   Lewis uses the word “radiance” a lot, and something about that word makes me very happy.  I’m looking forward to reading the last book in the trilogy, but they’re kind of heavy so I’ll need some mindless chick-lit or something to balance out my brain.  Any recommendations?

mental health day

That’s what my boss told me to take for today.  She’s my hero.  It’s amazing to me how quickly I lose sight of what’s really important.  I look away for a second and then I’m spinning–racing thoughts going off in a million directions.  I can be such a spaz sometimes.

Today I will slow down and read and pray.  I will breathe in, breathe out, and seek community.  I will try to listen and have faith and see the good.  I will burn a lavender-scented candle and take a nap.  It will be a good day.

I’m back!

I was going to wait until Monday to return, but my mom wanted to be introduced to the world of blogs and myspace so, being the dutiful daughter that I am, I helped her out and effectively broke my fast. The sacrifices that we make for our parents. My time away was really good. I found something meaningful to do which will start in a few weeks. More to come on that. I’m definitely engaged in life and being made whole, just like I wanted. Just like I know God wants for me.
As a welcome back gift to all my loyal readers (shout-out to Feather and Sandra who checked on me while I was away!), here’s a mix of my current favorite songs. If you like the songs (and you should because my taste rules. haha.), buy the album and support these musicians. Enjoy.

if you miss me…

email me (jenniferb37@yahoo.com) or, better yet, call me (email me if you want my number.  I don’t want to post it on this blog even though I think pretty much everyone who reads it knows me.)

God’s doing some amazing things and very few of them (for me, at least) are on the internet.  So I’m taking some time, starting at noon today, to get out from behind this stupid screen and figure out how to join Him.

love,

~jennifer